One of the most lovely awful parts of dealing with infertility is hearing the comments people like to give. Those comments hurt, they sting, and sometimes they down right make us angry. But, I do like to remind myself others do mean well when they give a suggestion, if it is incredibly hurtful.
Let me first say: someone dealing with infertility has already done your suggestion. I promise. Just don’t say and give your friend a hug.
So what are some of the worst things to hear when you are midst of infertility? Well lucky you, I am reaching back into my recent memory to give some I have heard as someone who has been dealing with secondary infertility for almost three years:
“By The Way, When Is Number Two Coming?”
This comment stings. If I could answer that, believe me, I WOULD! I would be shouting it from the rooftops, I would telling everyone, even random people on the street if I knew when that baby was coming.
“At Least You Have One Healthy Kid”
Yeah…but….I want one more! And that is okay! Having one healthy child does not negate my desire for a second.
“Do You Put Your Legs Up After Sex?”
Nope, never thought of that. I just take a ton of medications, including injecting myself with medications in my stomach so much that it leaves bruises, plus heading to my doctor so many times a month. Yeah…
“Just Go On Vacation and It Will Happen To You.”
This one is funny because vacation is really tough when you are paying $900 for an IUIs, $100s for medications, $20,000 plus for IVF, a vacation is not doable. Plus, you can’t risk missing ovulation or an important blood draw.
“Go Buy Some Vodka and Have Some Fun.”
Another one, if it was that easy, why YES I would immediately buy some alcohol, drink it, have fun, and BAM pregnant.
“Don’t Think About It, Then It Will Happen.”
This one really gets me. There is literally no one who can forget about infertility. I can with 100% percent certainty that anyone struggling with infertility can literally never not think about it. I always know what cycle day I am on, ALWAYS.
“Maybe It’s God’s Will”
I actually haven’t heard this one personally, just from others trying to conceive. But whether you are religious or not, hearing someone say that God doesn’t want you to have the family you want for yourself, is unacceptable, deeply hurtful, and unnecessary.
“Just Relax.”
No. There is only one time that hearing this is actually okay, and that is during a massage when you are arm is tense.
In short, they do not want:
Anecdotal stories
Advice
Opinions
Basically, someone who has fertility issues, wants to hear:
Support
Compassion
Empathy
